Everyone has been offended at one time or another by someone. Either by something they said , or did, or didn’t do. Small or great , Significant , or insignificant.

None the less all offences have one thing in common, they hurt, they may make us very angry, or very sad, sometime we may dwell on an offence by re-playing it over and over again in our heads. Even after years have passed that re-play button in our heads will conjure up those same old feelings , as if it had happened only minutes before. That is why offences are so deadly, they can literally take control of a person, of how they think, how they act, how they approach people and even situations. How many people have been hurt by someone and they say to themselves, “ I will never go through that again” . So we put up walls and defend ourselves from any and all future offences, by refusing to get close, or to ever let anyone in ever again.

Usually when someone does inevitably offend us again, it just ads fuel to the fire and digs a little deeper into the previous wounds that we have for so long held on to. And so we tend to categorize “ALL People” into that same group. “Jerks”.

“Mean” , “Inconsiderate” , “Hateful”, whatever group we choose to place them in.

We then go into every relationship with “our guards up”, Just waiting for that person to prove you right again. Jesus said “Offences will come”.

There is always going to be that person that just doesn’t click with you, that just doesn't treat you very well. But thank God we are given Biblical instructions on how to deal with this.

The Bible Way For Dealing With An Offence .

Jesus makes it very clear what we are to do when someone offends us, we are to go to them directly one on one and tell them what they did and that it hurt you.

Sometimes people will do or say something that offends you and hurts you and they may not even realize that they did. Sometimes they may know exactly what they did and other times it may even just be that the one who was offended just over reacted to what was said or done. In any case it is good to get it all out in the open so that you can confront the person and hopefully deal with the issue at hand. Most of the time we will not say anything at all we will just get offended and leave and then re-play the event over and over getting angrier and angrier.

But if we will choose to confront the problem at the onset we will never give the offence time to fester and to take root within us and grow.

Often times some will even call as many people as they can on the phone, or go over to other's houses and “TELL ALL ABOUT THE EVENT“.

By doing this not only do we take on the offence but we bring other people in on it as well. Jesus tells us here in Matthew 18:1 , you alone go to the offender by yourself and confront him or her don’t go and tell everyone else.

If you read further in this passage it does say that we may bring another brother or sister in the Lord, someone you trust, to go with you a second time, not to beat up and accuse the offender, but to help try and bring reconciliation.

I want you to notice the very end of verse one for there is a great truth within it that has set me free and I believe will set you free from offences as well.

This is a win win situation, if you go to the person who offends you and he hears you. Then you have reconciled and you have gained your friend (brother) back.

If he or she does not hear you then you have been obedient to Christ, you have confronted the sin head on, you have chosen to release all bitterness and un - forgiveness and you then know it’s time to move on to the next season in your life. Not every relationship can be saved or repaired, and that is o.k.

Sometimes an offence is a clue that God is taking you out of a relationship and into a new season of your life.

We all have heard the expression forgive and forget, but I am here to tell you there is no such thing. You can forgive, in fact we must forgive it is not an option but a command of Christ. But we will never forget a painful experience.

Our memory of that pain is a reminder to not go back there, and yet at the same time we must move on and let go of the past, in the Love of Christ.

I have heard many Christians say “if you don’t forget then you haven't forgiven”.

This is not Biblical as we shall see, and it is impossible . If we totally forgot a painful experience we would have no need to forgive we would have no memory of what or who we are to forgive. True godly forgiveness is to let go of that painful experience , move on from it, and let God be the Judge of the offender, Not you.

...Forgive , and ye shall be forgiven. Luke 6:37

The Bible says forgive, it does not say forget. And yet we must not linger in our minds the offences we have endured, but think on the things of God.

Biblical Forgiveness is letting God bring Judgment upon the offender not you. Offence is a sin carried out by someone else. When we take on that offence we are taking in the sin of someone else. And as we dwell on that sin it turns to bitterness and becomes a poison to our whole body. If you don’t have favor in a relationship then God is not in it, and it’s time to walk away and move on.

We must stop trying to resurrect dead relationships and let God take us to a new season of favor and blessing in our lives. 1

You never have to avenge yourself from a wrongdoing committed against you by someone else, that is God’s job not ours.

One very important thing to remember, if we must move on from a relationship, we no longer need to be involved in fellowship with people that continually mis- treat us. But we are still required to minister to them in times of need , as we can see from this scripture. Even if they continue to mistreat us we are never to let them go without if we have what they need. For they are still God’s children.

We have looked at this subject from the viewpoint of the one being offended, now let us look at it from the view of the offender. Just as we do not like to be mistreated or used, we must purpose in our hearts to never offend or mistreat others. for the same judgment that will come upon those who mistreat us, will like wise come to us if we mistreat others.

We are commanded to walk in Love , as Christ did, according to Ephesians. and then here we see in I Corinthians who we are to walk in love with.

1. the Jews. 2. the Gentiles 3. The Church of God .

The Jews are God’s children those who belong to God, this includes born again believers according to the new testament. The gentiles is speaking of the nations of the Earth or the unbeliever the un saved. And finally we have the Church, which includes all those who are born again believers in Christ Jesus.

We are to walk in love with all people. Black, white, red, yellow, brown, saved, un saved, male, female, old , young, it does not matter who we are commanded to love them and to treat them with dignity and respect as unto the Lord.

Regardless of how they may or may not treat us. We are commanded to love.

How Can I love As Christ Loved me ?

Make a choice ! Love is not a feeling, it is a conscious choice. When we desire to please Christ because we Love Him so much. Where everything we think, say, and do, is based upon loving Jesus, wanting to bring Him pleasure and Joy, Through our actions. When we treat others as if we were ministering to Jesus himself, there will come upon you a joy and a peace which can not be explained, it is only experienced. God is Love, And Love is God. When we operate in divine Love we are literally dwelling in God Himself. When we act, and re-act in Love, we are living and dwelling in Christ Jesus. There is no greater place, there is no fuller Joy, there is no other way. God is Love, Love is God. Love is not an option it is a command from the King. And the reward of it are far greater than we can imagine. When you truly love Jesus, you will naturally love others as well, because that love His love. will compel you be as Christ. That Divine Love is within each of us as believers, but it is our decision to let it flow through us. Now in this day and hour that love is needed more than ever before I pray That you and I may continually walk in God’s divine love.

© Copyright 2005, Christopher J. Derring , All Rights Reserved.

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1. Quote from Dr. Mike Murdock , Paraphrased.